She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
