I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
