my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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