fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
