Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
