look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
