It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need moral support for this bender
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize