Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
