i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
