I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
