What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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