I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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