sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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