So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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