You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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