I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
