he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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