when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
