PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
