Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
