You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize