You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
