Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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