they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize