the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
