I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize