It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
