Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
