Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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