If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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