i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
