So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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