when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
