Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
