a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
