Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
