: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
