i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
