Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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