We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize