thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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