I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
