yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize