i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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