I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
