She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
