I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
