i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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