Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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