i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
