I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
