I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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