The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
