just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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