i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
