she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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