then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
