Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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