too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
