The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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