bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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