when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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