that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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