Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
