My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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