Porn is love you can see.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
