Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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