me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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