You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
