I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
