Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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