you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
