you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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