Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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