Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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