If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
