Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
