Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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