as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
