is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
