can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
