man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
