btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
