I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
