I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
