She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
