mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize