holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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