I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize