when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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