Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
