Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
