I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
