I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
