Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
