I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
