he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
