Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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