K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
