dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
