Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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