i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
