just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
