In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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