i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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