Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
