i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
