hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
