Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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