I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
