just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
