But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
