accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sober January is a disaster.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
