she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
