I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
