are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
