Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
