'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
